I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
