I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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