girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
