I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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