im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
