pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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