Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
should my penis look like a turkey
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
