Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
