Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
