and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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