Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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