Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
