I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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