All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
