Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Edward fifth and chaser hands
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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