hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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