why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
