i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.