she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
