tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
