I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
