Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
