it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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