I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
