Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
