he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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