Ambien. No doubt about it.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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