My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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