I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
