is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
