I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
