Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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