She's like a pop up book from hell.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
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He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
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He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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