i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
How external is "for external use only"?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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