I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cat food counts as protein by the way
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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