im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
