An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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