some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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