your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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