You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
COCAINE IS GR8
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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