i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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