everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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