New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
