Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
