i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
