He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
