Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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