Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
