dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
God, I missed his penis.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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