Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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