I think I died a long time ago.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
