FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'd cum for enchiladas.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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