Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
