just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
