We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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