I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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