Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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