it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
