Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
