The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
