It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
As shirtless as possible
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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