lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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