Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
