Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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