Operation Purity has been aborted
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Houston, we have a blender
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
