he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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