I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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