I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
