oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
