I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
handjob tips. give me some.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
