ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
