We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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